Below is the start of the intro for a book I am thinking of writing, I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. This is oddly something that I think I need to do. The thing is, I am afraid of what my dad will think. I call him some pretty bad names, even in this intro. I think it will be clear that I love him, and I truly do, but the truth of a situation can hurt, a lot. Dad, if you do read this, just know that I am in part writing this for you, and that I think the final product will be something you can be proud of, and I know you are already proud of me.
The idea to write a book about being a loser came to me after someone told me to write what I know. In a way I have been obsessed with the idea of being a loser my whole life. At a pretty young age I was (indirectly) told my father was a loser. When I looked at him, I did not see a loser, I just saw my dad. He loved me, he bought me comic books, read me bedtime stories, he taught me how to use a computer. He did a lot of things that showed me that he loved me. My dad also could not keep a job, did not have a strong work ethic, and would watch WAY too much TV. As a kid, you see these things and feel that your father might be a loser and you really don’t know what to think or how to really take it. All little boys grow up looking at their father and end up imitating them in some way. Knowing this I always knew I was going loving, but I was also going to be a loser.
A lot of it was because of the environment I was around. My family did not have a lot of money growing up (this is part of the reason I thought he was a loser) but they wanted me to go to a private christian school like my mom went to. To do this they had my grandfather, my dad’s dad, pay for it. In a lot of ways I think it was good that I went there, it was a good school and I think it kept me from learning about a lot of adult things to early the way a lot of other people I knew who went to public school did. But it messed me up in a way that I still have a LOT of trouble with today. Because it was a private school, and a lot of kids at a private school have parents that fill their heads with the idea that they are better than other kids that go to public school. The things is, because I did not have parents that paid for it, I did not get my head filled with thoughts that I am better, just thoughts that I am not going to succeed, because I was born a loser like the other public school kids, because I was a public school kid who got lucky.